GREETINGS FROM SOUTH AFRICA
I miss my Maxdog terribly!
I know this is “grief” and quite normal for us humans, but I feel like my chest is being squeezed to the point of bursting. My body aches as I try to curb my habits of calling for him, feeling him constantly by my side and hearing his tail thump on the floor in response. It’s the sounds that he used to make, which now are absent from my home, which really get to me.
For the past ten years Max has been within five meters of me for most of the time, 24/7, and I have to find a way to relieve this immense sense of loss. Writing about it helps. It’s an odd kind of catharsis but it has always worked for me. If it helps, I will continue to write my heart out!
MAXDOG’S ABSENT SOUNDS...
I miss the sound of his deep moan at the end of the day which preceded his contented sleep.
I miss the sound of him lapping water during the night as I judged, from the comfort of my own warm bed, how much he was drinking and whether I will need to get up to replenish the water bowl for the other dogs.
I miss the sound of him rolling on his back as he invited Tammy to play in the morning and their delighted grumblings at each other as they mouthed and nipped each others’ jowls.
I miss the sound of his noisy shake when he got up from his game and that long, deep moan as he stretched himself before starting his day
I miss the sound of his paws padding down the passage and of him breaking his stride to sit and scratch the back of his neck.
I miss the clang of the food bowls. I know I still have three dogs in the house and still three bowls to fill, but the absence of his fourth bowl makes such a difference in the depth of tone during this task. The absence of the fourth measure of food grips also my soul.
I miss that deep guttural sound he made, like a soft “ggggt...ggg”, when he knew he was about to get his favourite treat. It is now also sadly absent.
I miss the peaceful sound of his shallow breathing which was constantly by my side.
The joy of his bark when I mentioned the word, “Walk!”. And I miss the sound of my pair of Goldens running trenches in our passage in anticipation of the outing.
I miss the echo of sound, in the cul-de-sac, of eight paws on the tar as they charged down to the grassy patch each evening and the sound of his deep bark as he announced himself to the neighbourhood. I miss the sound of his heavy breathing at the end of his lead which indicated his urgency to get going on the second stage of his walk.
The sound of streaming water when he emerged from the top step of the pool after his swim is also absent. So is his “Moan” as he asked me, in absolute obedience and trust, if he could enter the house despite being a wet dog.
Even the sound of him urinating in his favourite spot in the garden and letting it “all out” in spurts is a stark reminder that he has gone. I miss the sound of him rustling through the deep foliage of the wild rhubarb in our garden and I miss the heavy sound of him running around the house when I beckon him from the back to the front.
I miss that sudden intake of breath and sudden, but absolute silence when he’s on high alert and I just knew that he was in full male golden stance.
I miss Max talking to me...his familiar “mmmmm......Om!” when he wanted me to understand him and had taken the time to try and tell me something. The imagery of this is heavy because I can almost see and feel his tongue trying to shape the “O” sound and how he resolved the dilemma by merely licking his nose.
I miss the sound of him rolling on his back, in total exhilaration, in the passage after a scratch and the deep moan which emerged from somewhere deep inside him.
But it is the absence of his thumping tail on the floor to answer and acknowledge my enquiry which transforms me into aching grief. This void has prompted a complete visceral reaction in my being.
I could go on forever describing simply the sounds of him – not the gestures or mannerisms or habits – just the sounds, but it wouldn’t change anything. The fact remains...
I miss my Max! And the silence is deafening!
Sending lotsaluv to you all!