Wednesday, April 28, 2010


Hello there to all my readers!

We all have times where our mood is sombre or introspective. I make no apologies for this although my post today is NOT meant to be invasive, nor judgemental.....

If a butterfly were to land on your shoulder, how would you react?

I have a feeling most people will simply lap up the moment for all its worth!

 I would bet that very few people would shake it off or take a swipe at it. If a butterfly landed on my own shoulder I would feel awe inspired, privileged and totally enthralled. It would most definitely be a moment to cherish!

I equate this particular feeling to the delicate touching of my soul when a friend offers me a moment "just for me". I truly believe that the greatest gift anyone can give to another person is to simply ‘be there’ in their time of need. A bonus to this gift would be to simply sit and listen to that person’s personal and unique reality...but without judgement and with absolute unconditional acceptance!

This kind of gift is rare because as humans we are so quick to apply our own perspectives, judgements and offer opinions on the lives of others. So, I acknowledge that it would take a concerted effort for the average person to really try to give a person this kind of gift.

Some time ago, I re-adapted a scriptural passage to make it practical for me. It was my personal attempt to quantify and qualify what could be construed as
unconditional acceptance.
 To me it illustrates what I like to call
 “The butterfly touch”...
A gift of true friendship! This is how the passage goes...

“To you, my friend, I will exercise patience and kindness.
I will not be envious of your achievements nor will I boast of mine.
I will not be proud or rude.
I will look to your interests and try not to insist on my own.
I will not be easily angered.
I will not keep a record of your wrongs, but grant you forgiveness in advance.
Neither will I delight in your misfortune.
 I will encourage the good in you and will let the rest die of neglect.
I will rejoice in all truth.
I will always protect you, always trust you, always hope in you and always persevere with you. My love for you will never fail!”

The parameters of this passage are really difficult for the average human being to achieve. It requires a conscious effort to focus on these ideals.
It is something that I personally strive for...although sadly I often fail. This is precisely why I have called it..


Wishing you all a wonderful day with the hope that you might also seek to give another human being a 'butterfly touch'.

With love


Scout and Freyja said...

Total, unconditional acceptance of life, friends, family, circumstances, weather, financial conditions, our station in life. All of the aforementioned and thousands more dynamics where total and unconditional acceptance would be the ideal, oftentimes is unattainable given the fact that we are frail and flawed human beings.

Recently a good friend of mine in Maine was demonstrating severe denial about a relationship in her life. She became consumed with another person and was placing unrealistic criteria as a 'guide' to whether or not someone was 'this or that'. This had been taking place for several months until I finally said: "Peg, you need to get back to______." She became quiet and listened to me list the reasons for my statement and for me, her friend, to put on my psychologists hat putting the 'friend' hat aside for a bit.

After I was done speaking my mind and explaining to her why I said what I said she told me: "You're right. I know you are but I just____." The following day, yesterday, she phoned me on her way home from work and told me that she just got out of a meeting with her local counselor and was laughing so hard. She said that her counselor and I were like stereo earmuffs on her head! She thanked me for taking the time to risk our friendship and to place my comfort zone aside to say what needed to be said - no matter what. My friend of 30+ years is now a her road to recovery and reality.

Had I sat back and been 'quiet' listening to her statements that were clearly in denial about her situation and given her total acceptance without risking my own personal comfort zone, my darling friend who has been 'there' with me through thick and think and good and bad may have continued to travel down her destructive path.

Sometimes unconditional love and acceptance isn't always a butterfly. Sometimes it has to take the form of a bumblebee - a little irritating but with a mission to produce sweet, yummy honey in the end.

Life, in itself, is difficult. I have found that all too often we hold others, and ourselves, up to idealistic standards that are completely unattainable because we are complex human beings. The ideal butterfly would be fabulous - the unconditional love of a bumblebee is attainable and, to me, better - much better. Yes, unconditional love is better than requiring the perfect in someone else or in ourselves.

You ALWAYS do this to me. You always make me think when I get up in the morning! Now my brain is all awake and staring out the kitchen window in a stupor isn't fun anymore. I've got to get busy...☺

Tama-Chan, Gen-Chan, Vidock, Violette, Ollie, Hotesse & Heloise said...

Yes, that quality of being there, open, listening and ready to give whatever support is needed... All too often, the moment you mention something to someone, the response starts with "I" and ends with "me."

You have inspired us all with your openness and readiness to share. May there always be someone there for you.

Jacqueline said...

A lovely post, an inspired way to live=you have a very special, wise, kind soul, Caryl...Blessings and love.

Sheila and Bob said...

No doubt written from the heart, what a wonderful gift you have.

Sheila & Bob

the magic sleigh said...

A lovely thought, a wonderful post! I have been dealing with a good person who has been battling depression, I have been striving to be more of someone who is there and caring without judgment, You have helped me re-affirm this today!

-Kira The BeaWootiful's Mom

KB said...

Beautifully put and something to strive for. I couldn't help but think that dogs area better at achieving those ideals than we are.

Angel Ginger Jasper said...

A beautiful post and you are so true. What a lovely perspective you have on life.. Love Carol x

NanaNor's said...

Hi there, What a wonderful thought provoking post-it is easy for us humans to jump in, mouth first, and share whatever we think is pertinent. Thank you for reminding us to be quiet and still and let others share what they will. Especially true when dealing with others who are walking through trials that we've not gone through before. Hugs to you today and to all your four legged kiddos-especially Max.

houndstooth said...

You summed up a relationship that I was very lucky to have in my life, and one that I've been reflecting on a bit lately. My grandmother and I were always very close -- she even had a dream about me before I was born and knew exactly what I looked like before I got here. Sure enough, she picked me out at the hospital before they told her which one I was. My parents were not the most mature of people as I was growing up, but my grandmother was the constant person in my life. I feel that I grew up to be a decent person because of her influence. As I entered my teen years, my grandparents moved away, back to the area where they'd grown up. Every summer my sister and I would travel there in some way to see them. Many of my fondest memories are of sitting on the front porch with my grandmother and "just being." She never judged me, never used criticsm to cut me down or manipulate me. It was just a quiet reassurance. The last time I was there with her was three weeks before she died, right about this time of year. I knew it would be the last time we were together while she was alive and those last weeks sitting on the porch together were some of the most special for me. I just always felt that she understood me, and that I understood her. A butterfly touch is a good way to describe it!

Mrs. JP said...

I like your paraphrase of one of my favorite passages!!
A friend loves at all times.

Tweedles -- that's me said...

I am sorry I am a little late in getting around to reply.
Your words are so deep- that I need to take time to read and re- read what you have said.
You have words that I feel inside but did not have words to explain.
Every single person who replied on this- had something unique to say.
I am still comprehending all this.
Thank you for saying these deep words and causing me to think- and maybe I can be a better friend.